its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
