I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Two words: nipple clamps
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