so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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