At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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