I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
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Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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