just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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