So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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