If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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