Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
