I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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