those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
