Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
