Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
