News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
