yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Is it because I queefed?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
