I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
