I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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