it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
