i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
