Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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