The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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