so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize