On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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