I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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