Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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