I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
