the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
