im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
