I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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