Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize