He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
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