I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
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Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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