We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
