I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
