His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my sisters under your porch take her home
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
