There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
