I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize