I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
