can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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