12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize