i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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