when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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