I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
