Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
