dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
