the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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