So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
