i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
