So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
