I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Houston, we have a squirter
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
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