i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
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the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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