Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
