Cold hands, warm shart.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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