Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
