in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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