The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
