Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
