I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just want to make out with him forever
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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