i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
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then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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