stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
