At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
