Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
