how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he thought i was a dude.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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