god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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