What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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