I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
