ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
someone owes me an orgasm
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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