I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
