hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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