one two three fourrrrnication!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
